


The Aftermath (she's his, always, but he is not hers)

by moonm10



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Pregnancy, Reunion? I guess, post 8x03
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 11:44:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18659761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonm10/pseuds/moonm10
Summary: His whole family is alive. Suddenly, his heart stops – not his whole family. Somebody is missing. She is missing.***Or, an angsty reunion/discussion post battle of Winterfell...





	The Aftermath (she's his, always, but he is not hers)

**Author's Note:**

> So, I just wrote this because I'm pretty sure we won't get a proper reunion. Plus, I'm stressed about Jonerys I don't know what to think anymore heeeeelp
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my first langage. If anybody likes it, I may continue it, you never know... In the meantime, enjooooy <3

Jon is staring at the blue dragon – or rather what's left of him – in disbelief. The giant beast is not there anymore. The only thing proving it ever existed are the few shattered iced pieces on the ground. _What happened? _Jon can’t believe it. All the dead are gone. There is no White Walkers, no Night King. _What did the hell happen? _  
In a state of shock, wondering if he is dead or alive, he manages to walk to the Godswood, avoiding the corpses on the ground. He can't take the time to process anything. He just knows he has to walk there to understand. He sees, Theon's corpse – his heart compresses at the sight of the one he grew up with. Then, looking up, he sees his brother and sister, hugging each other tightly. As he breathes slowly, his sister run into his arms in tears. He holds her for a long time, allowing himself to pause for a second.____

__

____

"I killed the Knight King. We won," is all she mumbles in their embrace. He holds her even more firmly. _Of course, she saved the day. _He doesn't need more explanation at this moment. He never doubted her strength. Since he gave her Needle, just before they parted ways for so long, he knew she would accomplish a lot. _Hell, she saved all of them tonight.___

_____ _

____

After a few seconds, he releases her slowly and walks up to Bran. His brother just stares at him, but something in his eyes sparks. These last few days, Jon had the time to understand that something took over his brother. He is not entirely a man, he's only _almost _one as he said to him when they reconnected. However, this little spark in his eyes is all it takes for Jon to kisses his forehead in reassurance. Him still being alive seems unreal but he doesn't question anything. _His family is alive. _Just as the thought crosses his mind, he feels somebody crush into him. Red hair appears in his vision and before he can realize, all Starks are hugging each other tightly. _His whole family is alive. _______

_____ _

_____ _

Suddenly, his heart stops – not his whole family. Somebody is missing. _She is missing _. He pushes his family away gently to take a better look around him. He doesn't see her. Arya looks at him, confused by his gesture at first. Then, she perceives Gendry in the distance, staring at her with wide eyes. Her heart misses a beat from the realization that he also made it through. Her attention back on her big brother, she sees the panic in his eyes.__

____

____

"Go find her Jon," she says, encouraging him. 

That is all it takes to tear him away from the few moments of peace he just experienced from his family. A state of utter panic takes over him. The dead are gone but he still has not seen the real damages, the aftermath of the battle. He has not seen her since she saved his life on the battlefield. He left her there, wanting to follow the plan: protect Bran. _He left her _, surrounded by the dead and he has not seen her since. He has not seen dragons fly. Hell, he is not hearing dragons right now. He looks up at the sky does not see Drogon flying, silver hair on his back. _Where is she? Is she even alive? _This question terrifies him. _He needs her. _______

_____ _

_____ _

He refuses to think she could have left him. It can't be possible. Fastening his pace, he is now running in the courtyard of Winterfell. Glancing quickly at the survivors, he sees Sam, Tormund, Jaime, Brienne, Podrick – but still no signs of silver hair. His panic growing more and more each footstep, he does not take the time to greet them. _He needs to find her. ___

____

____

 

***

The night slowly fades away, the sun replacing the moon on the battlefield. Light begins to shine on the snow. A beautiful picture of victory it could be, except a shadow is still lurking in the air. As the day begins, the light unfolds mountains of dead bodies, making it impossible to forget the damages done by the battle. In this heavy stillness, Jon hears a cry of despair – breaking the silence. In the distance, he distinguishes Drogon laying on the ground, positioned as if he is protecting something. Someone. _Please, she can’t be dead._

____

____

He runs the fastest he can. So fast that he thinks his legs won't follow him for long. As he arrives by Drogon, he sees Daenerys, covered in blood and surrounded by corpses, holding the body of Jorah. For a second he is relieved, _she is alive _. However, the relief is immediately replaced by hurt. She is crying so hard, she doesn't see him first. Her body is shaking so violently – pure and utter grief.__

____

____

He cannot stand her pain. The only thing he can think of is holding her tight but she seems so fragile, he is almost afraid to break her. He kneels by her side and he brushes her arm slowly. She looks up, her eyes red and puffy, still clouded by her tears. They lock eyes for the first time since they parted on the battlefield. 

"Jon..." she lets out a sob, not able to say another word. Tears filling her eyes again, something shifts in Jon. He is not afraid to break her, he wants to ease her pain. His name is all it takes for him to pull her into his embrace. He holds her tight, so tight. _He will never leave her again. ___

____

____

***

They stay in each other arms for what seems like an eternity, until some Unsullied come to bring them back with the other survivors. It's only then, that Jon remarks that Daenerys had a cut on her forehead and needed to be checked. The Unsullied respectfully bring back Jorah's body and Jon carries Daenerys inside the wall of the castle. 

The second they set foot in the Great Hall, everybody stares at them. The Northern Lords, the rest of the Queen's army, the civilians, their friend. The way Daenerys clogs into him, hiding her wet face in his chest, makes him aware that she can't face all of them right away. Seeing the worried looks on all their loved one faces, he tries to reassure them with a small smile. _She is fine – physically – but she needs time _, he tries to tell them with his eyes.  
He doesn't waste time and rushes into the small alleys of the castle. Just as he reaches her chamber, he stops remarking Missandei followed them.__

____

____

"We need a Master to examine her," he says quietly to Daenerys's friend. "It seems superficial but I want to be sure", he adds.

"I will seek one, my Lord," Missandei nods. "However, many are injured so it may take some time," she says as she tries to peek at her friend, probably wanting to be sure that she is indeed fine, at least physically. 

"Thank you. I'll stay with here in the meantime," he says, as he still feels Dany's tears in his chest. 

When Missandei leaves, he finally steps into the Queen's room. He gently lays down on her bed, still holding her tight. He still doesn't want to let her go. After some time, she lifts her head up, locking eyes with him for the second time. His heart squeeze, she still seems so hurt. 

"I tried to help him, I took a sword. But it wasn't enough," she whispers, breaking eyes contact as she is remembering this awful moment. 

"Dany", he starts, lifting her chin with his finger so that she looks at him again. He pauses a moment, trying to search for the right words. "He died in the most heroic way. He protected you until his last breath. I know he would not have wanted it any other way", he said, caressing her cheek. 

"He was with me from the beginning. I lost everything," she murmurs, tears rolling down her face. She is tired of crying but the tears do not seem to want to stop. "I lost the Dothraki. The Unsullied. I lost most of my people. I lost - " she stops in the middle. She holds his gaze for a second. "I lost you," she finishes, breaking eye contact again.

Jon's eyes go wide in surprise. _What is she saying? _Again, Jon grabs her head, desperately trying to maintain contact between them. He needs to be close to her. He rests his forehead against hers. "I thought I lost you," he says in a small breath, tears in his gaze. It's her turn to see the pain in his eyes. Then, he kisses her forehead while cupping her head. She rests her arms on his and closes her eyes when she feels his lips on her skin. They keep this tender position for a while. _Warmth, tenderness, they both need it _.____

_____ _

_____ _

"I thought I lost you, Dany," he repeats quietly. "But we won. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere," he adds, a little smile on his lips. "We are here. Together. " he finishes, looking deeply into her eyes. So deeply, it seems he stares into her soul. Making a promise. 

Her heart is racing at his words. Her eyes fill with tears again. Not because of sadness, but because she realizes for the first time since the sun came up that indeed he is here. At this moment, the only thing she wants is to feel her lips on his. _She needs him _. Her gaze goes back and forth between his eyes and his lips. Then, she closes the distance between them. She kisses him. Slowly at first. It seems to her that she has not felt his lips in forever. Realizing she missed it, she kisses him harder, deeper. _She needs to be closer and he needs it too _. She feels his hands wander across her body as their tongues intertwine. She loses herself in him.  
She knows they need to talk about his pre-battle revelation. She knows she needs to think about the future and what it means for her, for them. But in this very moment, kissing him, touching him, feeling him, is all she needs. In this very moment, he is all she needs. _Right now, they are enough._____

_____ _

_____ _

***

It has been a few hours since she and Jon lost themselves in the moment, kissing. Then, reality caught up and the Master came to examine her, Missandei with him. Jon did not want to leave her and if she was being honest she did not want him to leave either. However, she felt the need to be examined. She needed to gather her thoughts and clean herself. So, reluctantly, Jon left her with the Master and Missandei. 

_Your Grace, you are pregnant. _The master said the words at the end of this examination. Missandei stared at her in disbelief. It is not possible. Hearing those words, Daenerys shuts herself. She asked him and Missandei to keep that to themselves and leave her alone. At first, her friend insisted to stay, but seeing the threat in her Queen's eyes, she had no other choice but to leave.__

____

____

Now, as the dark is coming again, she is lying in her bed. _Pregnant _. She repeats the word all afternoon in her head. Disbelief, denial, anger. It is not possible. She is barren. Her only children are her dragons. She lost her only chance at being another kind of mother when she lost Drogo's child. Then, she lost one of her three sons. She lost a child – twice. She lost too much. _She can't go through that again _. She can't.____

_____ _

_____ _

Then, she thinks about Jon's revelation before the battle. _My real name is Aegon Targaryen _. He is the last male Targaryen. He has a claim to the Iron Throne. He has a duty to House Targaryen. She thought she had a duty too: restore House Targaryen by claiming the Iron Throne. Her whole life, she built her identity around this said duty. Everything she did was to reach that goal. She did everything she could to fulfill what she thought was her destiny: sitting on the Iron Throne. _Until she met Jon… _____

_____ _

_____ _

_Gods, she loves him. _She never intended to fall for the King in the North. _Hell, she fought so much not to fall for him. _She fought not to find him attractive when she first met him. She fought not to lose herself in his eyes in the cave. She fought not to feel connected to him when he touched Drogon. She fought not to worry for him when he left beyond the Wall. She fought not to collapse when she left him alone, surrounded by the dead. She fought not to feel anything him when he took her hand on that boat. She fought not to love him when he knocked at her door that night. _But she failed each time, miserably _. She fell for him, each time, harder. She is, completely, irrevocably, in love with Jon Snow.______

_____ _

_____ _

A love so deep it changed her. _A love so deep it changes her duty, her goal, her destiny _. With Jon as a Targaryen, her destiny changed and so does his. She needs to send him away so that he can fulfill his destiny, restore their name. She can't do it. He has to.__

____

____

Suddenly, she hears a knock on the door, steering her away from her thoughts. Here he is, _her Jon _, smiling, walking towards her. He sits on the edge of the bed, locking eyes with her. He waits a few seconds, checking her as if he wants to be sure she's fine. Then, he kisses her slowly, tenderly. She loses herself against his lips.__

____

____

"Gods, I missed you," he whispers, breaking the kiss but still resting his forehead against hers. She swallows hard at his words, closing her eyes in pain. She need to be strong.

"Jon, we need to talk," she answers, she tries to gather herself, to be strong. So she backs away from him. 

"I know Daenerys, I just hopped it could wait a little," he offers, sadly, taking her hand. _She wishes it could. ___

____

____

"It can't," she says, removing her hand slowly. She needs to do it now or else she never will. _If she waits, she will never let him go _. "You –"__

____

____

"I don't want it," he cuts her, firmly, not letting her the chance to say anything. She looks at him, half surprised. Deep down, she always knew. 

"You have a claim - " she tries to continue, but he cuts her again. 

"I don't care Dany. It's yours," he says, louder. She can see he's getting annoyed already. 

"Jon…", she sighs, closing her eyes. _Of course, he would let her be Queen _. He's so honorable. She already knows it. But she made a choice, she needs to go through with it. "It's not only that. You are the last male of House Targaryen," she tries to keep going.__

____

____

"So what? I don't want the bloody throne Daenerys. I want you," he argues. She can see his body stretching as the conversation progresses. _He's angry now _. "I want you, Dany," he repeats louder, as he tries to come closer to her. It takes her all her strength to back away. _He wants her but she needs to let him go _.____

_____ _

_____ _

"You have a duty to House Targaryen," she says. She tries to say it in the most convincing way possible. He stares at her, blankly, still not understanding. "I can't have children," she adds after a few moments. She knows he'll get it now.

She looks at him, trying to keep her composure, trying to keep the tears from falling. Then, she sees it in eyes, misunderstanding, anger, pain. He got it indeed. _At this very moment, her heart breaks. _She realizes that at the end of the conversation, she will lose him forever. She wants to hug him, to take his pain away, but she can't. She tries to reassure herself that she's doing the right thing. The right thing for their House, the right thing for him.__

____

____

"What are you trying to do Daenerys? Pushing me away?" he interrogates after a moment. His voice is deep and rough.

She doesn't even answer, doesn't even look at him. When she does not speak, he does something she did not plan. He kisses her. Hard. Deep. Possessively. She tries not to give in but she's not strong enough. _She can't resist _. She kisses him hard, arms around his neck, then in his hair. Their tongues dancing with each other while she feels his arms playing with her back, her hips, her chest. Their moans, their desires, all intertwined. As air misses in their lungs, their lips parts. His forehead against hers, out of breath, he stares at her so deeply.__

____

____

" _I love you _," he whispers. So quietly she's not even sure he said it. "You can't push me away, Dany," he says, cupping her face tenderly. "I'm not going anywhere." Caressing her cheek. "I want you." Staring at her lips. "I love you." Brushing his lips against hers. "I'm so in love with you." Kissing her. Slowly, full of love. He takes her hand and places it on his chest, where his heart is. "I'm yours," he finishes.__

____

____

She looks at him, eyes filled with tears of joy and sadness, of love and hurt. Her heart explodes and breaks at the same time. _How can she send him away? How can she do that after what he just told her? _Everything she ever wanted him to say, and more, he did. He loves her. She loves him.__

____

____

_My name is Aegon Targaryen._

____

____

_Your Grace, you are pregnant._

____

____

_When the sun rises in the west and sets in the east. When the seas go dry and mountains blow in the wind like leaves. When your womb quickens again and you bear a living child. ___

____

____

She can't bear a living child. It's not possible. She can't go through it. She needs to let him go. **She's his, always, but he is not hers.**

********

********

" _You are not mine, Jon _," she chokes, her forehead still against his. She’s losing it. "I need to let you go," she whispers, caressing his face for the last time. Eyes closed, she hears a sob coming from his mouth. She feels his tears on her hand. He's losing it too. The pain is unbearable. She can't face him anymore.__

____

____

She walks out before he can say anything. In the dark alley of the castle, she collapses. One hand on her mouth, trying to contains her cry, the other _on her stomach _, stroking it, without realizing it.__

**Author's Note:**

> So this is that..
> 
> Also, let me know if it's any good :)) Or if by any chance, a continuation interest anyone!


End file.
